Does anyone understand me?
I don't think I understand myself.
My emotions are strange.
Why do I betray myself
as I do?
I wonder
if I could just
wipe away the past,
would that change
who I am?
Or would I still betray myself?

Poem I wrote in German:
Ich bin nicht auf einer Karte.
Können Sie mir erklären, wo ich bin?
Bin ich wirklich in einem Traum verloren?
Wenn ich bin,
sind Sie das,
das einzige,
das mich herausziehen kann.
Translation:
I am not on a map.
Can you tell me where I am?
Am I truly lost in a dream?
If I am,
you are the one,
the only one that can pull me out.
What the Translator said:
I am not on a card.
Can you explain to me, where I am?
Am I really in a dream lost?
If I am,
you are that,
which only,
which can pull me out.
Hahaha. I find that very funny. \(^_^)/

I'm learning
to tell
when you lie.
It bugs me so much,
and there must be some reason.
I just want you to stop.
I know you lie.
Stop it.
Please.

I love band.
It's the only thing
besides you
that fills me with such joy,
such exhilaration.
I never want to stop playing
my beautiful silver trumpet.
I love making sounds
that I have never heard before.
Love it when I do well on a solo
and know it.
I love when I feel like I've gotten it just right.
It fills me with a burst of energy
nothing like anything I've felt.

We held hands on the bus.
My heart flipped
many,
many
times.
You make me feel
so good
and so bad
at the same time.
Sometime I want
to cheer and cry
with joy.
Other times
I want to scream
with pain and agony.

Nothing comforts me more
than the sound
of your voice.
The words you
speak are barely
audible.
The deep rumbling
is all I hear.
Let it stay with me.
I need
the sound
of your voice.

Running.
Hiding.
Letting the fears pass by.
Waiting
in the shadows
for the safety
of the night.
I want to face them.
I want to show them.
What I'm made of.
The impossible
may seem
possible,
but this
is just
much too impossible
for me.

I trapped myself.
I lost it,
if I ever had it.
Do people get second chances?
If we do, can I have one?
I've screwed it all up.
I engulfed myself
in a web of lies.

I am such a dork,
such a geek,
it makes even me laugh.
Math class,
my teacher is asking me
to help people.
I am clumsy...
*sigh*
That makes me sad.
But the preps don't give
about us.
I wish
I didn't care
about opinions.
But
I do.
I also wish
my heart
would be ANYWHERE
but on my sleeve.

Why do I have to be so sad without you?
Why is it that at home I am miserable,
but when I am with you,
all is forgotten?
Is your spell, your charm,
having that much effect on me?
I can't resist it.
My dear,
I want to talk to you,
but the words disappear.
They fly from my mind,
when I see your eyes.
Those beautiful, green
eyes.
The only thing I can do
is try to make you smile,
for I am desperate for it,
like a fish on land
is for water.
I need your smile.
It is just not fair.
I can charm people too, you know,
but no one has charmed me like this.
I can't even talk to you.
I have to keep all the thoughts
to myself, then I can't sleep
thinking about what to say,
what to do,
to impress you.
It makes me so sad.
I miss you
even when you are there.
I can't even enjoy the time with you,
because you are out
to make me jealous.
If I promise to stop
"flirting,"
will you please just understand?
Please?
Please?
Please?
I need your understanding
more than air.
I can't talk to you.
You've put me under your spell.

I wish I could feel the hurt.
It would be better than the nothingness
that I feel inside.
The hurt can leave,
but this can't.
It's wearing me away.
I feel so torn.
You made it start,
you can make it stop.
You are tearing me in two,
like two children pulling
on one's dear bunny
that the other must have.
I feel so empty,
so alone.
Why can't you just hug me once?
Please?
It would make
EVERTHING,
I mean everything
much, much better.

I saw you today.
You have made up a new game.
You torture me so.
I wish you didn't.
Well...
maybe I did it too.
But,
I only did it
to make you laugh.
There is so much I don't understand.
So much comprehension needed.
I want to learn it all,
but it is so hard.
You are such a distraction.
I don't know how I feel anymore.
It's like
all my feelings
just wash over.
I'm clean and empty.
There's nothing left but
a sham, a lie,
waiting
for the right moment to wash away,
too.
These things are too much
to put in to words.

I'm scared.
I don't know how
to lose you.
I need to know
you are there.
I don't know
what to do.
Sleep is bliss.
It takes me
to a world
full of sameness.
I'm scared of change.
I don't want to lose you.

What is this love?
Where does it come from?
How does it connect us,
like it did?
Is the chain still there?
Or,
are you scared of me?

There you are.
All around me.
Your essence
consumes me.
And yet,
I feel that
you may
drift away.
We will drift
and thus never
ever
returning
together.
I fear this
with all
my heart.